Wednesday, September 5, 2012

Simple (and exciting) updates...and a rant about announcing pregnancy

The entertainment factor in my family has been at a peak during the past few days. Bug's developing speech (which, for a while there, I thought he would never be able to speak in complete sentences) has been creating moments of laughter for months now. I wish there was some way to capture and share every little thing that he says (and also the manner in which he says them). But, I'm afraid there really is no way to really share my own personal show of "Bug says the darnedest things!"

Gizmo has also started testing out his vocal abilities. Mostly to yell "no" at everybody, and to say "Meeeeee!" when he wants something. (He also says crazy stuff like, "vitamin" and...uhm...ok, maybe that is the biggest, most crazy word in his vocabulary right now.) Gizmo also likes to wander around the house singing his own little made up song, "Hap-py. Hap-py. Hap-py. Happy! Happy!! Happy!!!" It's very adorable. (Until he escalates into a demonic, screeching form of the same song. Then it sounds like something from a horror movie.)

This week, we have been able to have the Hubby home from work (until Friday), thanks to Labor Day on Monday, and then DNC is in Charlotte this year for the rest of the week. (For security reasons, especially since the Hubs works so close to the convention center, a lot of people have been asked to work from home.) I have a suspicion, though, that the Hubby isn't really cut out for working from home. You know, with all the noise and chaos going on with two young hooligans. I finally asked if he would mind shutting himself up in our room to get his work done, so he didn't ruin our fun down in the living room. Maybe he'll gain a bit more appreciation to the crazy that I am, now that he knows the conditions I find myself in every day!! (Or maybe not, it's just as likely that he'll be more solidly convinced that we have awful, rotten children...but it's nice to think about!)

 In other news, I am pleased to announce that I am expecting our third child this coming May! It's been a long time coming, as we have been trying to have another baby for over six months! Perhaps I need to readjust my expectations about -when- my body is ready and able to have another baby. You may recall (depending on how long you have been reading my blog) a post I wrote and posted around the time I found out I was pregnant with Gizmo: Hope during Infertility. I'm not really sure if I have ever really and truly qualified as being "infertile", but having a strong desire to have another baby, and not being able to actually achieve that, can be very disheartening. It is especially discouraging when you are charting your cycles, and you can clearly see that you are ovulating, but things just aren't working.

I am obviously very early in my pregnancy still. And I have not hesitated to share my news with anyone. Because of that, I have received some questioning comments (that bordered on ridicule) about why I have shared the news already. My younger sister asked me, "Don't most women wait until about 12 weeks to tell people that they are pregnant?" Yes, that is true. Most women wait, because miscarriage is most likely in the first trimester. And I guess they don't want to share news of a pregnancy and then also a miscarriage.

However, I find that reasoning interesting and sad. Most women have a network, however small or large, of friends and family (other women) that are willing to offer love and support during both emotional highs and lows. That is the nature of humans...we have other humans to offer social support. Discovering a pregnancy is (usually) an emotional high. It brings excitement, and a desire to share the news! A miscarriage is an emotional low. It often brings a desire to retreat and mourn. But if we have a friend in mourning, don't we want to offer help, love, support, a listening ear, a shoulder to cry on, a loaf of bread? How can we receive social support in our trials (such as miscarriage), if we don't let our friends know. And in the case of miscarriage, it makes sense to let our friends know that we were first pregnant! (Unless, of course, you would prefer to have privacy to grieve during the event of a miscarriage. In which case, it makes sense to wait the socially acceptable 12 or so weeks.)

Another sentiment I have perceived is that there is a time that is "too early" to tell people about a pregnancy. Which I don't understand at all. Is there ever a time (past a known conception) when you are not pregnant enough? Of course not! And women find out about their pregnancies at all different times. Most over the counter pregnancies tests can detect a pregnancy around 14 days past ovulation, which is usually the earliest a pregnancy can be detected (by urine pregnancy tests). According to a 40 week pregnancy, a woman 14 days past ovulation is 4 weeks pregnant. But she is only two weeks conceived. If a woman is charting her cycles, and knows her usually luteal phase, she could detect a pregnancy by that alone. And depending on how long her cycles normally are, and according to her last menstrual cycle, a doctor may estimate her pregnancy to be farther (or not as far) along than she really is. For myself, announcing a baby due in May, could indicate I am anywhere from not even pregnant yet (which would mean I would have no pregnancy to announce), to nearly 7 weeks (according to the standard 40 week pregnancy) depending on when exactly my due date is in the month of May, as well as the other factors that I have mentioned.

A woman should be able to announce a pregnancy whenever it makes her feel comfortable, without any social stigma attached to the announcement. She should be able to announce a miscarriage without feeling ashamed, and she should have the support she needs to recover from her grief. And she shouldn't feel the need to justify her due date, or share intimate details about her pregnancy (including how far along in her pregnancy she is), unless she wants to share those things. Pregnancy is exciting, and if you have a hard time feeling excited for the pregnant woman....then ignore the announcement! (/rant)


TopHat said...

Totally on the pregnancy announcement thing. I wait until I'm far enough along that people have a hard time guessing the due date because I like to keep that secret. :) But we totally told everyone immediately with my first.

This past summer I overheard a couple of people in my ward mention that they were upset about another ward member announcing her pregnancy early because for them, "It seems like she's been pregnant forever!" I was all, "Her pregnancy is too long and inconvenient for YOU?!" BAH. It is totally up to the mother's choice when to announce pregnancies. No one owes anyone a "short" pregnancy or anything.

TopHat said...

Oops- and Congrats! Sorry I forgot to mention that in the previous comment. *embarrassed*

Melinda said...

Congrats on your pregnancy! How exciting!!

My thoughts on waiting the 12 weeks or whatever amount of time: With our first three we didn't hesitate to tell people, but that third pregnancy ended in miscarriage and to have to relive it over and over when well meaning ward members would ask how I was feeling or how my pregnancy was going (and then seeing their upset faces after I told them) was heart wrenching and actually made it harder to heal (for me, of course everyone is different). So with the next two pregnancies we waited quite awhile to announce it, just because I didn't want to go through that again, it was still fun to announce it later on and not have to feel the horrible pains of having to announce a miscarriage not long after. In fact, I felt very guarded about the whole thing. Even now I hate announcing things that I don't feel are a "for sure" thing, feeling like if I do then I'll jinx it and it WILL go wrong. :/ Thats just my experience. I also don't care whenever anyone feels like announcing for themselves, whatever! :)

One big rant on due dates though--I really wish women weren't even given a due date, but a due "month" or something. Because it really could go two weeks EITHER direction (that means two weeks "late" is still safe), but so many women (and doctors it seems) are so hung up on their due date that they induce two weeks early thinking its great. When in reality they could be having a baby four weeks early. Inducing has become so common and I hate it. With my last, I wasn't going to be induced and was a week "overdue" and got SO MUCH flack from people about not being induced; even my stupid doctor (I will NEVER go to a OB/GYN again) told me my baby was going to be stillborn if I wasn't highly monitored. (Which is obviously ridiculous, and I had him perfectly safely and naturally, almost exactly nine months after the day he was conceived--funny that!) Anyway, thats my pregnancy rant! haha

Meghann Russell said...

I love you Mallory! And I am so excited for you! To know the excitement, as you have been trying for awhile, and then succeeded... that should explain in itself, why you are telling people. It should be a mom's choice when to tell others! Not the worlds' to say. We told people immediately, which was shocking as we have had 3 miscarriages, and not the greatest history of pregnancy. But it is what it is. And we had been trying, and we were just way to excited to keep it in! How are Bug and Gizmo doing on the news? Are they excited for another brother? Or a sister? I cannot wait! :)

Michelle Collett said...

I thought this sentence was interesting: "it's just as likely that he'll be more solidly convinced that we have awful, rotten children." Because maybe you share my pain.

Jeff, I think, really thinks our children are unruly and naughty and unspiritual. I try to tell him that evening is their worst time, when they're tired and hungry and just miserable and that they really are mostly great and obedient for a lot of the day, but I don't know if what I tell him about what he doesn't see is as influential on him as what he does see when he comes home: crying, fighting children.

And I agree that you should be able to announce pregnancy when you want.