Making it through the first half of pregnancy 3.0

My sister is going to be living Gangnam Style in just a couple weeks. Apparently, her moving to South Korea means that I have to start updating my blog more often than every four months. And here I was thinking I didn't have to look up all those resolution articles on exactly how many days it takes to build a habit, because I wasn't planning on any official resolutions this year. But, dangit, I love my family....and if they beg me to write more gripes about my life because they are going to be living on the other side of the planet....I guess I'll put in a little more effort.

First off, an update on my pregnancy is in order. I basically have been feeling like a glorified slug with bad hips. About a month before I got pregnant, I started treating myself for depression with naturopathic suppliments. It was going great! Really great! The two weeks post conception, pre positive pregnancy test, I exercised every. Single. Day. And I had been carefully weighing and measuring my food intake. I was determined to get healthy. But I wasn't losing weight and I was constantly dead tired! Then I found out I was pregnant and it made a bit of sense. And I went off my supplements (just one, actually, that is counter-indicated during pregnancy, but I guess that one was the only one doing jack squat.)

Then my body decided to really welcome me into the first trimester, with 24/7 nausea and a complete inability to ever feel really awake. And the depression was back. The horrible pregnancy nightmares were back. And my hair started falling out. (Which, the hubs tells me that I was just noticing it more because it was getting longer....but I'm not so sure that's 100% true.)

I never threw up during the first trimester, which I am sure plenty of women would envy. But morning sickness sucks no matter what. And I felt like it was worse and longer lasting than I had experienced with my previous two pregnancies. Which is discouraging.

Then the nausea started disappating, and I thought that the second trimester would bring with it rainbows and butterflies, like pretty much every pregnancy book suggests. Not so. My fatigue hasn't lessened at all. My appetite is wishy washy at best. And my Symphysis Pubis Dysfunction (SPD) is near unbearable. And, of course, the heartburn. Plus, it took a lot longer than I thought it should to feel the baby move.

I didn't feel sure and consistant movement until 19 weeks, which is nearly a month later than I felt movement with my first pregnancy! That was so discouraging! Add that together with my depression/anxiety and the lack of formal maternity care, and at 18 weeks I was a complete and total basketcase. I was totally convinced that I had experienced a silent miscarriage and was carrying around a dead fetus. (I want to briefly apologize if this seems insensitive, and extend my love to any women who have actually experienced a late silent miscarriage. Even though it wasn't my reality, my brain was making it seem so, and it was terrifyingly horrible.) A couple days after my biggest breakdown, I started feeling movement. And it was a sweet relief, even through all the other complaints of pregnancy.

So, in other pregnancy related news, I am doing my own prenatal care in preparation for an unassisted home birth. Midwife attended home births are, unfortunately, not legal in North Carolina at this time. I know the thought of an unattended birth is alarming to many, but I am comfortable with the decision. We have a sympathetic family doctor who I can go to, if I decide I want any formal medical advice or attention. But for now I feel like the pregnancy is progressing without the need of any special attention.

Hopefully, in the days and weeks to come, I will be able to continue updating on life and family and motherhood....for Korea.

Announcement: Facebook

Introducing, the newly made (and most assuredly, soon-to-be neglected) Offical Facebook page for The Mother's Lamentations blog! Go have a look. And like it.

What is to come...

I've been working on getting my Bachelor's Degree of Psychology since I was 15 years old. Kind of. When I was a sophomore in high school, I started a program called Post Secondary Option (PSO) that allowed me to attend a local college and get credit for both high school and college. I knew even then that I wanted to major in Psychology. (Of course, I never imagined then that I would ultimately want to end up in Midwifery.) So, I worked hard and got excellent grades even as the youngest student in the whole college! I took nearly 20 credit hours nearly every quarter, and I graduated with an Associates Degree when I was 17 years old. I also graduated high school a year early.

Then I transferred to another local University. I settled nicely into my PSY niche. I continued to work hard (still taking nearly 20 credit hours, but now on semesters). Requirements for my degree included a wide variety of PSY classes, both easy and hard. They were no problem for me. Also, statistics. Easy. Philosophy. Meh...I passed the Honors course with...honors. Countless other electives. Fun and a breeze. AND......language requirements. Pass the 202 level of any language.

Now, I am a lover of the arts. Anything that doesn't quite resemble some hard science will find favor with me. English was one of my best classes my whole life. But give me a foreign language to learn and I struggle. Not my forte.

I took Italian 101. Passed top of the class. A+. I took Italian 102. Same deal. I started thinking it was easy. I took Italian 201. I struggled a little bit more. A-. I took Italian 202. The only one that counts, but took me a year and a half to get to. Bombed. Majorly. A big, fat, ugly F. Stupid class is the only one I've ever failed in my whole entire life! The only difference between my 201 semester and my 202 semester (and subsequently, the excuse for my ridiculous failure) was that I was in my third trimester with Bug. I didn't even go to class the last couple of weeks because I didn't want to drive an hour to campus and back all by myself. Oh yeah, and that little thing about taking the final less than a week after Bug was born. I mean, seriously, I was still wearing huge maxi pads, sitting on my stitches, wishing I had an ice pack...and I had to take a break half way through the exam to nurse Bug!

So, after I worked through the stages of grief over failing a class (which, to be honest, I'm not sure if I'm over it yet) I decided to learn Spanish. The hubby served a full-time two year mission for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints in Buenos Aires, Argentina and speaks fluent Spanish. I figured he could help me out. A year after failing my Italian class, I had forgotten nearly all of my Italian. Sadly, I hadn't been replacing the knowledge with Spanish. I just had no motivation to learn.

About a month ago, the hubs decided that he REALLY wants me to graduate. (So do I, hon, so do I!) We decided to purchase the Rosetta Stone software; which, I might inform you, is a major investment. But I am here to tell you, it is awesome. And it is going to work. If all goes to plan, I hope to graduate -finally- this coming May. Seven years after I first started college, and with enough credit hours to get me two Bachelor's Degrees. Too bad I'm only getting one. (But, don't congratulate me until it actually happens, though!)

The Rosetta Stone software is great. It probably would have helped me graduate all by itself. However, a girl likes a little incentive. So, my computer genius of a husband has offered me my very own domain for my blog. I get to design it all, with his help, and make it perfect. Then, when I graduate, it is going up for the world to view! And this makes me more excited than all the diamonds in the world! (Well......maybe.)

Of course, I have been bookin' it through Rosetta Stone. I'm learning (and retaining, 'cause that's what counts) tons! And I downloaded a free photo editing program, that is awesome, called Inkscape. I've been designing my blog to be. And I'd like to offer my readers a sneak peek by showing you my design for what will be my new button. (Which makes my old button look like Bug made it, instead of me!)

I bet you're really excited!

Family Visit

I know I've been slacking a little bit on posting lately. This past week I've had too many real laments (as in the mommy meltdown, psycho woman, not-so-funny ones) and I just don't feel like they should be put on this blog...at least not until I can laugh at myself!

And the blogging slump isn't going to get any better this coming week. My older sister and her husband are coming into town from NYC tonight! I'm so excited that they will be here this next week. My older sister was my best friend growing up. It is hard sometimes to not be able to see her and chat with her whenever I want. But this week I will get everything in that I can (and she and her husband love to have fun, so we are going to get a lot into our schedule!)

So, don't miss me too much. I may try to squeeze some hilarity in when I can!

IBS

I suffer from IBS.

No, not that IBS. I suffer from Inferior Blog Syndrome. It is a lot more common than you probably think. Symptoms include red eyes (from staring at the computer screen too much, trying to think of something great to blog about), back aches (from sitting at the computer too long, trying to think of something great to blog about), head aches (from trying to think of something great to blog about), the irrational fear that your blog isn't worth reading (whether this is legitimate or a delusion is to be determined on an individual basis), frequent writer's block (due to the irrational fear) and the constant desire that something great will happen that you can blog about, almost to desperation (may be made manifest in simple sayings, such as, "I'm gonna blog about that!" to nearly every life event). Et cetera, et cetera.

My condition is such that I spend most some of my days begging my son to do something worth blogging about. Something funny. Something not depressing. Something not very negative. Something that won't dissuade Future Mama from having a Future Kiddo. And for goodness sake, PLEASE, something that DOESN'T have to do with poop or pee and my carpet!!!

Yet, my condition persists. Bug continues to ruin diaper-free time by harassing my carpet with all matter of foulness. (Which often necessitates turning on the bath water AGAIN just seconds after I got him dried off from his previous washing.)

He just seems so vile sometimes. He looks at me with suspicious innocence then takes a hit from his water-filled sippy cup. It seems as if he is intentionally trying to worsen my condition.

And when Bug actually does something that I feel like I can get a really good story out of (with minimal exaggeration) he SOMEHOW, SOMEWAY keeps me from writing it as eloquently as I so desire. So that when I reread the post that is supposed to bring in readers from near and far, it seems sad and deflated. I'm usually left to hold down the backspace key, muttering to myself, "This story is stoooopid. Was that even funny when it happened?! Nobody will think this is funny other than me and my husband. Or just me. Gosh, if the whole world had just been there, then they would think it was hilarious. But then they wouldn't want to read about it my blog, because they have already seen it..." You get the point.

And that's why I'm not even going to try to tell you about the other night, when Bug climbed up and into the cart on his shopping cart walker toy and sat there, perched, looking at mom and dad with the look on his face that said all of the following: Look what I did. Wow, I'm really high up here. Am I allowed to be here? Even if I'm not, here I am, so HA! I bet I can climb onto the coffee table from here. Oh, mom's starting to get worried. I know I'm such a daredevil. Oh, now mom is ordering dad to get me down. No, you stay there, I'll get down myself. Crud, how do I get down myself? Relax, it's ok. I figured it out. Oooohhh yeah....I'm gonna do that again when you're not looking!!!

Ok, I guess I will tell you. I can only lament that the camera batteries were dead.

Darn that IBS!

WaaaaHoooo!

Hey everybody! Guess what!?!? I won an award over at Baby Makin(g) Machine for her Mommy Moment of the Month in February! See, look, click here, here I am! And when you click over there, stay awhile and check out what an awesome blog it is!

THANK YOU!!!!!