Dysthymia

Well. It's been nearly a year since my last post. I feel so sad when I look over this blog. It started so well. And then. Life. (What more would you expect considering the title, right?)

But I also feel like I have been neglecting a part of me. Writing is a really big part of who I am. And the past few years, I have done very little of it.

Last week I met with a psychiatrist. After years of trying to get a grip on my depression, I was given an official diagnosis: dysthymia.

Dysthymia is chronic, low-level depression. Previously known as Depressive Personality Disorder, it can completely take over your sense of self. I am an angry person. I am a sad person. I am a irritable person. I am an unlikable person. I am a lazy person.

NO. My name is Mallory Thalman, and I am a wonderful person. I am a funny person. I am a happy person. I am a creative person. I am a reliable person. I am a strong person. I am a great person. I suffer from a mental disorder that tries its darndest to squash the real me, but it does not define me.

Now that I am under the care of a specialist, things should get better.

Part of my self-directed therapy is to write more. Next month I will be participating in NaNoWriMo, during which I will write a 50,000+ word novel. Of course, that means that my blog is not getting revived like I know you all are hoping for. (right! right?!) But I think it will really help me as a person, a mother, a wife, a friend.

But guess what my novel for next month is going to be? The Mother's Lamentations!

Yep! I am going to be writing new stories (only slightly exaggerated) of my life into a novel. And maybe....just maybe....I'll actually get it published.

I'm excited! And it may be my Wellbutrin. But that's ok.