Thursday, February 26, 2009

What day is it??

I have pretty much always been an on-time control freak. I lived my life by the motto, "If you're not 10 minutes early-YOU'RE LATE!" My sister used to try to make me late for my college classes on purpose, just to teach me how to relax about the whole "being on time, all the time" thing. It stressed me out, majorly. And now I have a baby. He's good at making me late for stuff (intentional or not). Sometimes he decides to have a huge, poopy blowout right when we should be walking out the door. I'm getting used to being late now.

So, I'd like to present my Valentine's Day Post (Hey, it IS still February, at least)!!

Because I'm stuck at home all day, and I can't get out to buy my hubby a nice Valentine's Day gift, I made him one instead. Just a little bit of creativity, a little bit of humor, and a printer! I made him a Valentine's Day Coupon book. A couple weeks before V-Day we saw some while we were walking through Barnes and Noble book store. I teased him that I should get him the "Sexy Coupon" book. And he rolled his eyes at me. Now that I knew he thought it would be terribly romantic and awesome to get a sexy coupon book (that's what the eye roll meant), I just had to decide how to make it hilarious. I figured the best way to do that would be to make sure each coupon had some "small print". (You know, those darn things that make the coupon less valuable than you originally thought!)

My dear, sweet husband didn't want me posting to the whole world what my super, sexy coupons all said, so you'll have to use your imagination. But, I will share some, along with the reasons behind my restrictions, because they are just too great (and I'm obviously not humble enough to not brag about them!)

"FREE CLEAN HOUSE. Cannot be combined with any other offers." ('Cause you bet I'm not gonna get anything else done or be "in the mood" for anything else after cleaning the whole house!)
"FREE MASSAGE. Up to 10 minutes. Void when baby screaming." ('Cause in 10 minutes, the baby will be screaming.)
"RECEIVE A BIG SMOOCH. With the purchase of regular groceries. Tongue included. Not redeemable in public." ('Cause I'm not a fan of PDA.)
"FREE ROMANTIC EVENING. All inclusive. Baby sitter required." ('Cause it won't be romantic if I have a baby crawling all over me.)
"FREE 'CREATE-YOUR-OWN-COUPON'. Restrictions may apply." ('Cause I won't let you be sneaky and try to create some crazy, whacked-out, love coupon that I won't want or be able to fulfill.)

The hubs loved it so much (and he's actually already used a couple coupons), that he decided to make a coupon book for me! I was so surprised and pleased. And, you bet, he used his own creative ideas. AND he had to top me by providing MORE coupons than I gave him. Once again, you must use your imagination for the full content of the book, as this post must past strict PG guidelines, set by the husband. Here are the coupons he made me, and the commentary of my reactions:

"FREE TEMPLE TRIP. Baby sitter needed. Dinner included." (Dinner better be included, on account of the temple being 2 hours away. And I better get a notice at least a week ahead so I can pump enough for the baby!)
"FREE 30 MIN. MASSAGE. Baby sitter needed. Redeemable only with the purchase of a romantic date. Terms and conditions may apply. Massage oil upon request." (This is like a romantic date coupon in disguise. Seriously.)
"FREE CLEAN HOUSE. Must watch the baby, unless baby sitter is provided." (Hmmm...maybe I should have you watch the baby when you want to cash in on your own clean-house-coupon.)
"FREE SHOWER. Will watch baby. Void when he is hungry." (Hungry=screaming here, I think. But, hey, a shower?! All by myself!?! For real!?!?)
"FREE CAMPING TRIP. Baby must come. Usable only between the months of May-Sept." (I guess I will have to save that free shower coupon until after I use this one.)
"FREE DINNER. Must watch the baby, unless baby sitter is provided." (I can handle watching the kiddo, while you make dinner. I mean, I only watch him 24/7 anyway...and it will be a night I don't have to make dinner!)

We've had fun with this. After all, there is no better way to relieve stress than humor and romance. Like how we can nearly pee our pants laughing when Bug blows raspberries on my belly while we're laying in bed and hubby is batting his big, romantic eyes at me.

Happiness. Babysitter may be necessary. Sometimes.


Rachel said...

I like. I may have to copy. I don't know if I am quite as creative as you.

Martha said...

I have the feeling I'll be baby-sitting a lot! :)

Mallory said...

Yeah, do you mind? Oh, of course you don't! Haha. Yeah, seriously though, most of Scotty's coupons require a babysitter. I don't get it!

mormonmommyblogs said...

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~motherboard, mmb

Mommy Bee said...

The coupons are cute. We used to do simple ones "for one backrub" when I was a kid (we usually did them for fathers day) but I like the fine print. That's cute and funny all at once.
did you see that you're a WINNER over at MMB?

Future Mama said...

Oh my goodness I have to bookmark this post this is hilarious! it's funny how theres' so much parting humor I just don't experience yet! This was great though!

And really, do you not get much free time for showers? I hear that but really?! haha!!

PS: You have an award on my blog!