"You don't know what you've got 'til it's gone", right?
The other night I had an epiphany. I love sharing my bed with my kid.
It was one of those days. You know, the kind that starts early in the morning and doesn't include an afternoon nap....or any nap for that matter. So, around 7:48pm, Bug turned into a whining, screaming, thrashing, fighting, terrorizing, monster. Oh, it was bad.
Unfortunately, I kept getting caught up in things around me (like planning our trip to Texas, or cleaning up the water that Bug got all over the bathroom, or realizing that I let my Red Raspberry Leaf tea steep for nearly two hours...). So, it wasn't until 8:15pm that I realized I needed to just stop and put the kid to sleep. And, since he's been sleeping in his own bed, I needed to get him to sleep without laying down next to him. Let me tell you, it is ridiculously difficult to calm a tantruming toddler, when you are trying to sit in a squeaky glider and you have no room on your lap (due to your hugely pregnant belly) and you are so exhausted that it's hard to contain the toddler's flailing arms and legs. I may or may not have swatted his butt a couple of times to get him to pay attention to me. I think I got lucky, though. Because after singing two songs, I was able to transfer Bug to his own bed, and he stayed asleep.
Later that night, when the hubs and I went to bed, Bug briefly woke up and started crying (because Bug's bed is at the foot of our bed...and the hubs has a noisy electric toothbrush). We quickly calmed him down again, and he stayed in his bed. But, then, as I was laying in my own bed, I could hear the post-cry hiccups that Bug had, even in his sleep. It made my heart ache to hold him close, so he would know that his mommy loves him. Really, REALLY, really loves him. (In fact, I was aching so much, and telling my husband all about it, the he even offered to get Bug and bring him to bed with us! I have such a sensitive and loving husband!!!)
And I realized that, although I complained all the time about sharing a bed with Bug, I loved it. Because it was a time where I could give Bug 100% of my attention. If he needed anything, I was right next to him to help. When we were nursing, the breast was right there for him. Even if he wasn't nursing, I could offer him his sippy cup. And there was always a soft and warm body there, letting him know that he was safe and secure. I can't offer that kind of parenting during the day, no matter how hard I try. And I must admit, I don't often try. I -want- to be able to offer my child everything he needs. I want him to know that he is loved, and that he is safe. I want him to be comfortable. But it isn't always a reasonable option during the hustle and bustle of the day.
And THAT is why I love sharing my bed.