A Father's Lament

So, this is a little bit of a change as to the fact that Mommy has allowed me to write a post. And this is my Father’s Lament:

Last night was a very “messy” evening, for lack of better words.

We went to bed at around 9:00 and I set two alarms, one for 10:50 because I had get up and reboot a server at 11:00 when there wouldn’t be anyone on it anywhere in the world, and one for 6:15 to get up and ready for work in the morning.

The first two hours of sleep were horrendous. I was in one of those half asleep half awake modes the whole time and then I woke up in a cold sweat when the first alarm went off, bug was being really fussy, and he felt like he still had a temp, and to tell you the truth I felt really bad for him and for mommy. I was trying to change the time on the alarm for some silly reason when mommy told me to just turn it off and that I didn’t need it anymore. So I turned it off and went to fulfill my responsibilities as a loving providing father and went to work. I first went out into the living room and rebooted the server, waited 5 min. for it to come back up. I then verified that everything was working the way that it should and sent out an email to anyone who might possibly be awake and told them that everything was back up and I shutdown my computer and tried to go back to bed.

Of course bug wouldn’t have it. Mommy was having one of the emotional breakdowns like a pregnant woman would have, except for the fact that she isn’t, wondering what could be wrong with her baby. You know if those pregnancy signs are really true than mommy is always pregnant even when she’s not. So I picked up bug and went out into the living room and closed the door so that mommy could get some sleep. I swear I had him for less than a minute when he threw up ALL over me… yeah…. Like really really gross. So I called for mommy and she snaps at me… WHAT and all I could say was “HELP.” She asked if he had thrown up and I answered in the affirmative and she came rushing out to my aid.

I will tell you what though, that throw-up smelt so horrendous, and I made a small noise of disgust. Mommy then glared at me and asked what the matter was as she was cleaning and trying to take care of bug. I said “nothing.” Out of fear more than anything… and she said “your just making things worse” under her breath and I ask “what?” as if I hadn’t heard her and she said “nothing” hoping that I hadn’t really heard her. By this time bug had started letting out some of the most horrid farts/poops ever smelt in the history of the world… I mean how the heck can a baby make something smell so horrendous? So I ran and got a change of clothes for bug, a burp cloth, and a nose sucker “aka nasal aspirator” for mommy and asked if she needed me to do anything else. She said no, of course because I was just making things worse, so I asked if I could go clean all the vomit off of me as it was running down my arms/legs/sides/and just about every other imaginable part of me that should stay clean. Why do I say it this way well because I am a clean freak so this whole time I am afraid to touch anything and am hoping that vomit isn’t getting all over everything in the house as I try to help take care of my son. So with mommy’s permission I went and jumped in the shower, washed three/four times just for good measure and went back to bed while in the mean time bug is as happy as can be ready to play because he no longer felt bad due to unwanted fluids in his little self. By this time it is well past midnight and I finally got myself down for a restless night, by the time the second alarm went off I was so tired I turned it off and slept for another two hours.