*Warning: This post may be highly disturbing to those with a weak constitution.*
I am one of those people who think that all the best stories have to do with poop. As you may recall from my lame-o April Fool's day post, I have been in a blogging slump. This morning I learned, all you have to do is wait....and the good stories will come to you.
Every morning, Bug wakes slightly and has his morning dose of mother's milk while still in bed. Then, he usually sits up and starts laughing/growling/pulling my hair until I get up and out of bed. THEN, he has his morning poop.
Really, he doesn't have a morning poop every morning, but most...so, in our family, we refer to it as "the morning poop". Now, "the morning poop" is usually very interesting. Usually, it includes little bits and pieces from what he has been eating lately. And, usually, there is a lot of it (because he has been storing it up -usually- from the morning before.)
Anyway...I try not to change his morning diaper until AFTER "the morning poop", because the poop comes pretty quickly after getting out of bed, and I don't want to change his diaper twice, one right after the other. (Maybe I should seriously start looking into elimination communication.)
Well, this morning, Bug and I get out of bed and do some morning stretches. I go pee. I pull on my nice, comfy, long-sleeved tee and I plop Bug down on a changing mat. I grab another diaper, and the wipes and open up the diaper. [Now, as a side note, Bug HATES diaper changes. He LOATHES them. DESPISES them.] Bug is trying to wiggle away from me. I am holding him down as best as I can. Then, like lightning, he grabs hold of the front of his diaper and PULLS IT STRAIGHT UP over his head. The weight of the diaper is pulling it down, and "the morning poop"........oh, this is horrible.........leaves a trail the whole way. It was everywhere, I tell you, EVERYWHERE. On his butt, in his crotch, on his belly, on his shirt, on his nose, on his forehead, and on my carpet. And, I think, a little in his mouth, too (emphasized by Bug sticking out his tongue and spitting). And because I'm a good mom, I made sure to get a picture:
So, this morning, I waited a little bit longer to eat my yummy, homemade cinnamon rolls, and I went straight to the bathroom to give the little guy a bath. With lots of soap.